1. Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars


As rare as the old Golden Fleece
Is a hit whose appeal will increase.
And though not every line
Is one we should enshrine,
The song is a straight masterpiece.
2. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran



It‘s one thing if a music star
Makes a hit that‘s bad and yet bizarre.
But I‘ll lose my shit
If I hear one more hit
With a dude and his goddamned guitar.


3. Sugar by Maroon 5


I trotted out this one to flout it,
But if I had more to say, I would spout it.
All of that‘s null.
The song is just dull,
And there‘s no more to be said about it.


4. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding


The song‘s meant to have some allure,
But becomes just a chore to endure,
Though lodged in the sound
They seem to have found
The perfect insomnia cure.


5. FourFiveSeconds by Rihanna & Kanye West & Paul McCartney


Although the song is oddly brief
In its working class angst and relief,
The nice, laid-back chorus
A Beatle made for us
Serves as a pleasant aperitif.


6. Take Me To Church by Hozier


As gloomy as a British fen,
An ironic chorus of amen,
And its lack of cheers
Sets it out from its peers,
So I‘m glad it‘s still in the top ten.


7. Style by Taylor Swift


The song has a charm I‘ll ascribe
To its driving pseudo-80s vibe.
pleasant low synth
Puts it up on its plinth,
And makes me happy to imbibe.


8. Blank Space by Taylor Swift



Blank Space is still pleasantly bleak,
With a certain psycho-ex chic,
But loses its heat
In the dull-as-mud beat
That ends up being where it‘s weak.


9. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd



Earned It tries to simmer and steam,
But is lacking the requisite gleam.
Though it might be lacking,
The orchestral backing
Does make it sound like a Bond theme.


10. Time Of Our Lives by Pitbull and Ne-Yo



Pitbull has just not got the stuff
To sound either clever or tough.
But though it doesn‘t stun,
The beat is well done
And the sentiment‘s pleasant enough.

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